Separation. Stillness. Solitude.
Tor and I are going through slightly trying times.
A month ago he flew back to his hometown just to visit his Lola and tell her the good news that he is soon off to study in London. Like everything was timed according to a plan he never anticipated, On the day he arrived, his Lola was rushed to the hospital for a lingering fever and to make things short, the findings were thats the cancer in her breast had already spread to her lungs and liver. Tor quit his job in Y&R and stayed in Cebu, caring for her day in and day out, bathing her, massaging her back, dressing her wounds and regulating her dextrose. Not a joke! Especially with the thought that the woman who raised him, nurtured him, and made him the beautiful person that he is is soon to go. Defintely not easy.
My cross is lighter and self-inflicted. Since I arrived from my most recent regional project in Vietnam three weeks ago, I have been hoping to get one more project in Manila to keep me busy and , ofcourse help augment the money I need to make to pay for my studies in London as well. Almost three weeks has passed and all i’ve gotten are cancellations and silence. Very discouraging at nakaka-insecure. These periods of “nothingness” make me fear for my future and stupidly make me doubt my worth. I was bad a few days ago. Now, I’m choosing to believe in the truth that there is nothing wrong with me…that I am merely meant to have these periods of stillness for some good purpose.
As a couple, It has been trying also for us not to be able to be together, especially in times like these. I’m here needing to make a living compelled by the realities of life, he’s there waiting for his Lola’s last breath compelled by his good heart. We miss each other. Thank God for modern means of communication, we are able to cope.
Were not complaining. We know that other people have heavier crosses, bigger problems…but that does not take away the pain of the struggle.
Tor and I choose to see this time as a time of stillness and solitude necessary for the growth of our soul. I personally believe that there are times in our lives when God really has to force us out of our comfort zones in order to bring us to a quiet corner, alone with him…so he can whisper into our hearts and let us know and BELIEVE how deeply he truly loves us unconditionally and how we NEED NOT FEAR anything.
The question is, do we recognise the purpose of these periods of stillness and give in to his will? or do we try to escape the peace that is at hand by trying to run our lives on our own feeble strength and limited wisdom?
June 18th, 2007 at 7:09 am
my bubba.
yes we are indeed going through some trying times in our lives, but i’m happy to say that we are both growing from it. and that is what is important.
there are things in life that come our way that you just have to face straight on. as i have said countless of times, God does not give us hardships that we cannot endure. even if it’s scary sometmes, if we have faith in him and if we have faith in ourselves, then we have nothing to worry about because we know that he guides us in everyway.
never doubt your worth bubba because your work is not what defines you. what defines you is the way you love and the way people love you. nothing more and nothing less. and we all love you.
God still continues to mold us into good people. He gives us the time and space to do so. we can never run from it and we can never evade it.
yes, lola is now at the end of her days, and i see this time as a way of reflection and appriciation. She has taken care of me and loved me for all this time and this is my small way of showing her that i love her too.
so let’s just continue to love and continue to grow. We just need to do our best and let God do the rest.
love you
August 8th, 2007 at 11:46 am
D’same!!!! I was going to suggest being a prostitute but you might probably charge too much…RUDE magazine lives on in Friendster now, read my latest jucy dig…courtesy of LaRoya…as for the difficult emotional times, all I can say is “sorry…better luck”
Love Mike
August 19th, 2007 at 2:28 am
Dear classmate/friend/comedy relief noon,
All i can say is i can empathize with you. I will be praying that whatever the hurt and loneliness you are going through, trust the process. My dad passed away 4 months ago, and since then I realize that crosses like that come for a reason indeed. I may be going through the grieving process, but I look at it as necessary thing.
Your friend is doing a heroic thing caring for his Lola. I took care of my dad till the end and there was never a regret when he passed on.
Although I am virtually a vestal virgin (he he) at least in thought, I beleiev that love will sustain you. For me, from a distance, you are worth the love.
Take care. God bless,
Jeff
March 22nd, 2008 at 5:28 am
You write very well. I say well because you tug the heart, subtly sending your message across effectively. You are a true Atenean and Tia Lilia must be very proud of you.
Enhorabuena y que tengas buena suerte como siempre.
Tu amigo de la infancia, Anton